In League with Decapods

So I've decided that I might like to get another pet... a decision which I have thus far kept secret from Winston, lest the thought of it strike some murderous chord in his heart. ...The last thing I need is for a jealous pug to sneak into my room at night and abscond with all my blankets, dooming me to certain shivers or-- were he able to open a window-- hypothermia and the deathsies.

No, best to keep him unawares. Besides, this "other pet" as it were, is really no competition for the Jimmy Dog. For example, Jimmy Dog has a sweet monkey face that he uses to make funny noises and to give kisses. My new pet, so far as I can tell, has no face... and certainly no parts with which to give kisses and no means of respiration capable of producing sounds. Furthermore, Jimmy Dog has a warm, fat, little fur-covered body that is well suited for cuddling and keeping me warm. The proposed "new pet" has a segmented body with a chitin exoskeleton and is exothermic to boot... I imagine if he were ever to exceed a temperature of 70 or 80 degrees Fahrenheit it would be because someone was cooking him. Moreover, he occasionally casts off and devours his own skin.

So... charm is clearly not the new pet's "thing." He is no "sugar bear." He is, in all honesty, a bit of a monster. He has ten legs and armor and breathes underwater and is ill tempered and has formidable claws.

He is Theodore... the crawdad.

Yes yes, I've already named him. No, I do not yet actually have a crawdad. But mark my words, I'm going to think about it awfully hard!

I might have one already if it weren't for the meddling of my dear mother who, in her quest to rid the basement of clutter, apparently sold (for wooden nickels, I assure you) vital parts of my aquarium at a garage sale. At the moment I figured this out out I was mere seconds from adding a real live Australian Yabbie to my virtual shopping cart at Aquariumfish.net. Obviously my plans have been thwarted until I can find my crawdad a suitable residence.

A "Yabbie," by the way, is just an Aussie crayfish. That's just what they call 'em there.

I chose an Australian crawdad over a homegrown essentially just so I could say he was Australian, but also because I've been catching (and occasionally keeping, though never for more than a week) Michigan crawdads my whole life and I'd like to see how they compare. Apparently there are over 350 species of crawdad native to the United States, most of which are indistinguishable from one another, I'm sure. I doubt any but the most spectacular nerd could tell an Alaskan crawdad from an Arizonan crawdad. Regardless, I would like to see if I can tell an Australian crawdad from a Warner Creek crawdad. Perhaps the former runs about saying things like, "Put anotha shrimp on tha barbie!"...though I doubt it. An article I read insists that yabbies are known to "bother" neighboring shrimp... though it is highly unlikely that they barbecue them.

Another reason for the purchase rather than capture of one of these mudbugs is that environmental changes have left my neighborhood without its former easy pickin's. Not to mention that dammit, it's too cold out for crawfish now and I aint waitin' till The Thaw. I had also entertained the idea of aquiring a trap, but if the word of Trapper Arne is to be believed, I would end up with a whole mess of mudbugs, and then what? Well I'd be tempted to eat all but one of them, that's what.

And where would that leave me?

With one lil mudbug and a whole heap of bad crawdad karma, that's where.

No sir, I'll be getting my arthropods by post, thank you very much. Well, arthropod anyway, since I can only get one of them. Quarrelsome little beasts that they are, any number of them greater than one would quickly dwindle to one or, just as likely, one-half. Then before you know it the feds would be kicking my door down like my name was Virginia Tech Quarterback, in a vain attempt to bust my crawfish fighting ring.

Just in case you didn't know, crawfish fighting is a Gateway Barbarism.

It quickly escalates to higher forms of barbarism like tetra fighting and parakeet fighting and mongoose fighting and under-aged sex and The Parents Television Council and attending The Ohio State University.

::shudders::

Anyway, I'll be sure to let you know if I ever fetch myself a yabbie.

Gorgeous lil bloke aint he!!!