The Greatest of the Latest

Prologue

So, um, I went on a cruise. It was pretty awesome. I was a wedding guest of Heather's at her cousin's wedding... in Jamaica. At first I was concerned about the prospect of Seven Days with Strangers, but all the scary strangers turned out to be quite cool. I was also briefly concerned with things like airplanes, stingrays, and sharks, but those all turned out fine as well. In the beginning I actually managed to get some thoughts/reactions down on paper, but after the first day or so it quickly became clear that making time to write (like making time to workout) was simply not going to happen, and that this story was fated to be told primarily in pictures, which, honestly, is probably for the best.

I. Space Coast
Cocoa Beach, Florida

Cocoa Beach Pier


Problem: The bars are all closed or overrun with a BBW convention (no joke)
Solution: Chick'n Huntin'!


We captured about six crabs. They were all terrifically quick and mostly friendly.




This one was not friendly. But a drunk couple we befriended was intent on fucking with it anyway.


DO NOT WANT


Comeuppance.

II. All aboard

The Mariner of The Seas: better than The Mariner of Doodoo butter, I suppose.

It is actually one of the largest passenger ships in the world. Impressive specs as follows:
Maiden Voyage: November 16, 2003
Passenger Capacity: 3,114 (with another 1,100 or so crew)
Gross Tonnage: 138,000
Length: 1020'
Max Beam: 157.5'
Draft: 29'
Cruising Speed: 22 knots


Poolside


Hoop-side


Funness:
Ice-skating rink
Rock-climbing wall
In-line skating
Royal Promenade (open 24 hours)
Johnny Rockets '50s-style restaurant
Portofino Italian Restaurant
Café Promenade
Ben & Jerry's ice cream
Vintages wine bar
Boleros Latin-theme lounge
Champagne Bar
Schooner Bar (Piano bar)
Wig & Gavel British Pub
Jazz Bar
Sports Bar
Casino Royale
Golf simulators
9-hole miniature golf course
Day Spa and Fitness Center
Full-size basketball court


Levi: See, that bit right there is the rock wall.
Heather: Er, I thought it was a smoke stack...

Rock wall and smoke stacks


Some of the fam


It was windy sometimes...


It was dressy for dinner sometimes...


Yeah...

III. Labadoozy
Labadee, Haiti

Labadee, Haiti (private beach owned and fenced in by Royal Caribbean)
Not very authentic, but plenty pretty


The photos don't quite do justice (not pictured: Sea urchins... ouchies)


Barter Central

IV. No Problem, Man
Ochos Rios, Jamaica

Welcome to Jamaica



Barter Central Jr.








Going ashore for the wedding




The father of the bride just sort of handed me his bazillion dollar camera and anointed me Backup Photographer. I was later praised for being roughly equivelent to the Hired Man in quality and superior in tact, which, let's be honest, has got to be a first.

V. No Tongue, Please
Georgetown, Grand Cayman Island

Stingray City (a sandbar in the bay were the stingrays come hang with the leggy masses)


Zoom!


Scary. Ass. Shit.


Sluuuuuut


Seven mile beach was pretty bitchin'


Snorkeling on the reef was even more bitchin'








Fish face!


Nevermind

VI. La Cervasa Mas Fina
Cozumel, Mexico

Rancho Beunovista... I think that's the name of a subdivision going in off Moon Road...


Bitola y Paquiera


"All the Coronas you can drink before the bus gets here!"
-Edwardo, aka Rojo, our guide




Pancho's Backyard, as per our cabby's recommendation.
The anoles running around on the floor were delicious...


Later on we ate the cabby...


Navigational decisions become much more difficult after five beers and a margarita...

VII. Anchor Leg

I can make towel animals!


I won about $40 the second time I ever pulled a slots lever!




The Royal Pramenade




Jazz Lounge






Schooner Bar


Mini golf rubber match: WHO WILL WIN???
(me!)

Conclusion: Cruises rule, as do the girlfriends that take you on them :)