monkeypuke --- the sort of blog only kyle's mom would read: June 2008

DO NOT WANT

Hulk say this feeling actionable...

WHY HAS IT FELT LIKE FRIDAY SINCE YESTERDAY?!?!?
RAWR!

A tribe called Cabbage

It's no secret. I'm about the onliest person any of us knows that lives at home. At this late stage in my quarter-life I have, out of both pragmatism and comfort, abused the goodwill and accommodating nature of my parents to an unprecedented degree by doggedly refusing to vanish from Sauk Trail.

Truly, a proper impetus to vacate has been lacking. Under similar circumstances, many among us would rely on pride or some similarly self-conscious spur to drive them on. As for me, well, I apparently am not resonating at the appropriate frequencies of shame in this instance. Maybe I'm just too cheap. Or maybe I just lack the sense that the Good Lord gave goldfish.

In any case, things are obviously changing, as I've begun moving some of my belongings out of Warner Creek at into the west end of Hoover, into a garden apartment called The Cabbage Patch with Schmerberg. Within the cozy confines of The Patch will reside the doings and goings on of the Two Man Frat, a coalition fated for dissolution in a scant three months. Hopefully, however, I will be able to use the Cabbage Patch as a springboard out of the WC and into my own habitations, as I understand is the general way of things for us middle-aged youths living outside the Republic of Italy.

I think I just sensed The Captain light a celebratory cigar.

The Two Man Frat, by the way, is just a little side project Burgler and I set up as a tool to document our various nefarious plots (like starting an underground pushcart derby) as well as many ill-conceived and ill-fated projects (like learning how to wire up custom electronics). I admit, any alleged necessity for a separate blog for all this is purely imaginary, but it may prove interesting none the less.

The Greatest of the Latest

Prologue

So, um, I went on a cruise. It was pretty awesome. I was a wedding guest of Heather's at her cousin's wedding... in Jamaica. At first I was concerned about the prospect of Seven Days with Strangers, but all the scary strangers turned out to be quite cool. I was also briefly concerned with things like airplanes, stingrays, and sharks, but those all turned out fine as well. In the beginning I actually managed to get some thoughts/reactions down on paper, but after the first day or so it quickly became clear that making time to write (like making time to workout) was simply not going to happen, and that this story was fated to be told primarily in pictures, which, honestly, is probably for the best.

I. Space Coast
Cocoa Beach, Florida

Cocoa Beach Pier

Problem: The bars are all closed or overrun with a BBW convention (no joke)
Solution: Chick'n Huntin'!

We captured about six crabs. They were all terrifically quick and mostly friendly.

This one was not friendly. But a drunk couple we befriended was intent on fucking with it anyway.

DO NOT WANT

Comeuppance.

II. All aboard

The Mariner of The Seas: better than The Mariner of Doodoo butter, I suppose.

It is actually one of the largest passenger ships in the world. Impressive specs as follows:
Maiden Voyage: November 16, 2003
Passenger Capacity: 3,114 (with another 1,100 or so crew)
Gross Tonnage: 138,000
Length: 1020'
Max Beam: 157.5'
Draft: 29'
Cruising Speed: 22 knots

Poolside

Hoop-side

Funness:
Ice-skating rink
Rock-climbing wall
In-line skating
Royal Promenade (open 24 hours)
Johnny Rockets '50s-style restaurant
Portofino Italian Restaurant
Café Promenade
Ben & Jerry's ice cream
Vintages wine bar
Boleros Latin-theme lounge
Champagne Bar
Schooner Bar (Piano bar)
Wig & Gavel British Pub
Jazz Bar
Sports Bar
Casino Royale
Golf simulators
9-hole miniature golf course
Day Spa and Fitness Center
Full-size basketball court

Levi: See, that bit right there is the rock wall.
Heather: Er, I thought it was a smoke stack...

Rock wall and smoke stacks

Some of the fam

It was windy sometimes...

It was dressy for dinner sometimes...

Yeah...

III. Labadoozy
Labadee, Haiti

Labadee, Haiti (private beach owned and fenced in by Royal Caribbean)
Not very authentic, but plenty pretty

The photos don't quite do justice (not pictured: Sea urchins... ouchies)

Barter Central

IV. No Problem, Man
Ochos Rios, Jamaica

Welcome to Jamaica

Barter Central Jr.

Going ashore for the wedding

The father of the bride just sort of handed me his bazillion dollar camera and anointed me Backup Photographer. I was later praised for being roughly equivelent to the Hired Man in quality and superior in tact, which, let's be honest, has got to be a first.

V. No Tongue, Please
Georgetown, Grand Cayman Island