Mothers Against Daft Draft-Engineering Rapscallions (M.A.D.D.E.R)

Y'know how when you were little your parents would tell you that you could do anything you wanted to in life if you put your mind to it (and got good grades)? Well, I always thought my parents pretty well fit the profile of the everyday supportive "you can be an astronaut / the president / the Dali Lama / the mayor of Cincinnati /Chucky Cheese if you want to" type parents. What I found out today is that as you get older they are far more likely to laugh at you unapologetically if you mention any career goals that strike them the least bit funny. Before you can begin to express your shock and disappointment in their offhanded dismissal of your comment they will have already turned their back to you and busied themselves with some random task. You may pursue the issue, but they will continue to absentmindedly tidy the kitchen, while occasionally spouting the most insincere penitence. Eye contact will be avoided almost entirely. At length, your frustration will boil over and you will fake-scream, "Quit stomping on my dreams!" and then for-real-stomp out of the kitchen.

Basically, any time I bring up something I might like to do (coaching was originally one such thing), my mother thinks that this means I'm going to quit the job I don't have and either make a burden of myself for the rest of my natural life or go live in the streets. She tends to remain convinced of this for some time, and will attempt to snuff any conversation regarding (insert inappropriate interest here) via passive aggressive knitting, channel flipping, or cleaning. But I think the bottom line is, if you are at all concerned about getting pissed off (though I admit, simultaneously amused) at your mother do not announce to her your later-life ambitions if they resemble any of the following: Starting a microbrewery. Starting a brew pub. Starting a restaurant. Naming a beer after her called "Big-Headed Seamonster." Threatening to make Big-Headed Seamonster the foulest brew this side of the bottom of the Mississippi River.


In Lady's defense, she did start to come around on the idea of a brew-pub after I told her it would be on a river or a lake and would have a big back deck for her to chill on. Also, she did express interest in making a "Jimmy-Dog Ale" or some related "Mr. Jimmy" brew. In short, I think she's sold.

.