For Really Reals

Haven't felt much like blogging lately. Apologies. Kisses. Ass-grab. Can we still be friends? Great.

Anyway, lots of things have been happening lately which probably deserve individual blogging consideration... Alas, despite the fact that the JAWS theme is playing somewhere in my house I am mysteriously devoid of motivation to do much other than sit around sucking my thumb, so these gems of Brian-life-ness, they get the dubious bulleted list of Who-Gives-A-Sandy-Williams*.

1. Those Quilted Northern commercials, does anyone but me mind having to watch animated bears crap (I can only assume they are crapping out human remains) on a tree and wipe their furry little animated asses with downy-soft animated ass-wiping paper? I sure hope so.
2. Bars. The more the better.
3. The Marlboro Man, stop puking on me at bars. I smell awful. Thanks. Asshole.
   
4. Indoor Track State Meet. A big thank you to my 4x800 relay team for your contributions to the Not-Making-Coach-Walline-Look-Like-An-Idiot-Campaign by running a 23 second season best, getting 2nd in the state, and looking like bad-asses doing it. In the eyes of my tiny coaching community, I now look like a genius. Or at least competent.
5. Also, thank you to my entire track team for not liking your new coach as much as you like me. Warms the cockles of my heart, that does.
   
6. OK I know there's more, hang on let me think...
7. Speaking of bears... oh my.
   
8. Schmerberg, Ann, and Weave-head all came back to town, and fun times were had, but now it's too long ago to really write anything fun in particular, le sigh.
9. YPT lady finally paid me and gave a me a few more jobs, but I am still owed over 2,200 smackers by various "clients" for "services" I "performed" within the last "year."
10. I did not do enough legitimate work to even be taxed by the government in 2005.
11. CASHMONEY,FOOLS,CASHMONEY.
12. The Ann Arbor Police Department called. I asked if they had found my dignity. They said, "No, sir. We found the student ID card you lost in 2003.5, isn't that neat?" "You assholes," I said, "I didn't even know you guys had a sense of humor. How come no one told me?" "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Of cooourse your little sister is good in bed!"
13. En route to retrieve my long lost ID card from the AAPD, I was pulled over for a missing headlight by the Pittsfield PD.
14. The word "motherfucker" re-enters my vocabulary in a most profound and prolific manner.
15. During one of those weeks where I wasn't blogging I attempted to sustain myself almost entirely on Cocoa Puffs, which mysteriously appeared in my pantry one day. The word "mistake" never crosses my mind. The next week I successfully contracted and defeated diabetes.
16. My uncle gave a kidney to a friend's brother. This infuriated his own brother in Nebraska who lost some 50% of his kidney function a while back. Nebraska is still in a communication blackout. Just before going into communication blackout, Nebraska expressed its desire for said blackout to be of a more permanent nature than anyone east of that big dirty river in Iowa might have guessed.
17. OH SNAP!
18. March 17th, dubbed by the 'berg as "St. Public Drinking Day" failed to make a any perceivable long-term negative impact on my health, despite my 6:30AM breakfast of Irish Carbomb at Connor O'neil's or my 4:15AM dinner of PineSol.
19. Nineteen bullets ought to do it, eh?
20. Whoops.

In the "Too-Good-For-A-Bulleted-List" news, doubling as the "I'm-Sorry-You-Had-To-Learn-This-From-A-Blog, I-Really-Am" news, I am moving to Chicago next month. So a lot of my time lately has been going towards the job search thing, which personally I think is a big waste of time when you consider that I'm just going to get fired from any job within a week anyway for chronic tardiness, lewd conduct, poor hygiene, and the lot, but I guess you've gotta start somewhere.

Anyway, good night (afternoon), and good luck (I'm drunk).





oh right, the *... Kyle, I hope no one ever googles your mom's name. That would be a shame. For all of us.

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